I try to convince myself that I feel happy, or convince myself that I feel sad, but I truly don't know what I feel. It's as though a cocktail of emotions have turned to mush and that I can't identify one from the other.
I know I feel angry, sad, happy, frustrated, relieved, stressed, confused, impatient etc. But I would much rather have such emotions hit me one at a time. I wouldn't complain over having terrible mood swings, at least I feel either happy or sad...each in their own time.
I don't know how to overcome this. I guess I can only overcome it once the situation has progressed. Right now it is all at a standstill, at a crossroads. I know the direction it will go in, we all know. But it is as though the light has turned red for our road and the other directions are green, and the hustle and bustle is just weaving around us, as though we are mere entities that cannot be seen,and where objects can pass through.
I want it all settled. My frustration and impatience lies in the fact we are not moving and that red light is not changing. Why will it not change? I cannot make it change. Only two people can, and that power is in their hands...and that frustrates the hell out of me. That I have no control.
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